Monmouth Childbirth Classes

October 14, 2015, 6:08 pm

Childbirth Classes can be the start of an empowered journey into parenthood. While some hospital classes might be sufficient, they rarely compare with independent classes.....Taught by people who don't benefit from you being easy to manage.

You and your partner deserve to know what to expect and what your choices are. This is an opportunity to learn and discuss what your proiorties are. There will be time during your labor when you can't speak for yourself, so your partner needs to be clear on your choices regarding pain relief, cord clamping, skin to skin contact, etc.

Monmouth County residents are fortunate to have many amazing Childbirth Class Resources.

Bend and Blossom offers Hypnobirthing Classes in Rumson.

Birth, Babies and Beyond offers classes in Tinton Falls.

Natural Beginnings NJ offers classes in Spring Lake.

Your Best Birth offers classes in Red Bank.

Mother to Mother offers private classes.

If for any reason you can't take a childbirth class, there are alternatives. Read Gentle Birth Choices by Barabara Harper, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, and watch The Business of Being Born.

Once you've prepared yourself for the hours of labor, take some time to prepare yourself for the days and weeks of the fourth trimester!

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My First Postpartum

October 19, 2015, 1:35 pm

≫ Next: No Sleep?

≪ Previous: Monmouth Childbirth Classes

Patholigically independent. Stubbornly insisting on finding my own way. Will power got me through every life struggle....until my first baby was born.

I read voraciously about pregnancy and birth. But NOTHING about Postpartum. I had cared for babies most of my life. How different could it be?
I projected my normal, healthy, pre-pregnant self into every future scenario. I had no idea how I would feel while recovering from childbirth, breastfeeding, and caring for my precious newborn....so suddenly finding myself there was a deep shock.

I was brought to my knees. No matter what I did, I was unable to get it together. I was so emotionally raw and physically tired, I didn't trust myself to say what I truly and desperately needed: HELP! What few resources I had were so focused on the baby, it seemed overwhelming to try to explain why I needed to eat, drink or help with laundry.

My daughter was 18 months old when I read about a "Postpartum Doula." This was EVERYTHING I wished I could have had--someone to gently guide me through the dark night of my soul.... to help me realize that it is impossible to care for your baby if you are not meeting your most basic needs....someone to remind me that, as overwhelming as it is in the moment, it wouldn't always feel like this.

So I became the change I most wanted to see. Truly understanding Postpartum as a separate and distinct life transition, I felt relief. I was not flawed. I was completely unprepared. I didn't realize the impact of not having any support. (Here's a list of lcoal support groups.)

Ultimately, I'm truly grateful for my experience. I learned the hard way, but those pains brought me to one of the greatest joys in my life--being able to help families with new babies.

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No Sleep?

December 3, 2015, 8:35 pm

≫ Next: Changing the Face of Postpartum

≪ Previous: My First Postpartum

Exhaustion amplifies every postpartum complication. If you can't catch up on sleep during the day, these 3 keys will help.

First and foremost: stop trying to do it all. Seriously, delegate, delegate, delegate! Your energy is too precious to waste on housework or anything anyone else can do for you. Do whatever you have to do to rest and recover.

Yoga Nidra is a form of meditation that could literally change your world. It's four times as restorative as sleep. (So, spending 30 mins doing this meditation, is like 120 mins of sleep!) Check out my favorite here: BoldTranquility

FLOAT Did you know that getting into a float tank (super bouyant salt water) for an hour is as restorative as 4 hours of sleep? Not to mention relieving stress and anxiety! We are so lucky to have the option right here in Asbury Park at TaoMassage.

Most new mamas are so concerned with taking care of their baby, that they fail to meet their own most basic needs. Your baby gets the best care if you are healthy and strong.

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Changing the Face of Postpartum

January 13, 2016, 6:08 pm

≫ Next: What's the difference between a Labor and Postpartum Doula?

≪ Previous: No Sleep?

There's an unsettling reality to Postpartum here....Moms who aren't clinically depressed, but are barely functioning. I call them the "walking wounded" and I see them everywhere. Often they're blaming themselves for not being able to do it all alone...when it is absolutely our culture that is to blame.

To see significant change, these 4 keys need to be addressed:

1--Postpartum Awareness:
Postpartum recovery is as serious as surgical recovery....Often trickier because women are waking frequently to care for their babies, and possibly other children, too. Finally, America could join the rest of the world in understanding that women need time to rest and recuperate after birth. Naturally, they may be more sensitive and people should be considerate in their appoach (NOT critical!).

2--Support:
Connection with positive, helpful groups and access to evidence-based information--both in-person and online.

3--Six Weeks of Meals, Household Help, and Child Care:
Seriously. I do not care if it's provided by health insurance, co-operatives, relatives, or some sort of community Postpartum Doula Program....As long as it's considerate to the individual family's needs, I'll take it! At minimum, we need 3 weeks of complete reprieve and 2-3 weeks of partial help.

4--Paid Maternity & Paternity Leave For All.

Honestly, this wouldn't fix everything, but how much easier would your experience have been with these 4 changes? This is what I'm hoping and working for, because the best thing we can do for babies is nurture their moms. <3

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What's the difference between a Labor and Postpartum Doula?

February 19, 2016, 8:46 pm

≫ Next: Postpartum Reality: Avoiding Comparison Trap

≪ Previous: Changing the Face of Postpartum

Labor Doulas help you during the labor and birthing process. Postpartum Doulas help you after. One is not more important than the other. Which may be more helpful depends on the individual circumstances and people involved. Utilizing both may offer the greatest benefit.

Labor Doulas usually begin meeting with expecting parents months before the birth. They'll establish a relationship and build a birth plan. Once labor begins, the Labor Doula provides continuous support--physical, emotional and informational. She'll help you recognize the various stages of labor, keep you calm, show you positions and techniques to ease your pain, and help you immediately after the birth. Most Labor Doulas do a Postpartum Visit as well, to recap the birth, see how you're adjusting and often give Birth Stories or pictures.

Postpartum Doulas often meet with expecting parents before the birth. (Or, after the birth, when parents are suddenly overwhelmed!) Postpartum Doulas provide physical, emotional and informational support after the birth. They'll help you recognize normal stages of Postpartum Recovery, Newborn Development and Breastfeeding. Postpartum Doulas show you techniques to keep you comfortable and speed healing while you are recovering. They'll guide you in newborn care (bathing, feeding, soothing, etc.) if you're a new mom, or care for your other children if you're not a new mom. They'll help with laundry, dishes and food preparation so you can rest.

Postpartum is not as clearly defined as Labor....Most women will not be in labor for more than 24 hours. Postpartum Recovery is at least 6 weeks, but Postpartum Adjustment can take 3-4 months or more--especially when adequate support is lacking. It's important to have an advocate during your journey. Each Doula has their unique place in a complete birth and recovery plan.

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Postpartum Reality: Avoiding Comparison Trap

March 10, 2016, 4:51 pm

≫ Next: Nighttime Breast Milk's Super-Power

≪ Previous: What's the difference between a Labor and Postpartum Doula?

Somewhere within all new moms lies a secret fear...What if you can't really do this? Or can't do it like your sister, friend, neighbor, or what's-her-name on Facebook--the one with exclusively organic homemade food & insanely clean home. Or, perhaps worst of all, can't do it the way you always imagined and expected you would?

When it comes to mothering, there will always be someone who you think is doing it better than you. Often this is just a projection of insecurity. Just because her Instagram shows a perfectly clean corner of her house doesn't mean every aspect of her mothering is perfect. I've worked intimately with over 100 moms in the last 13 years, and what I can tell you is MOTHERING IS HARD. EVERY MOM HAS HER STRUGGLES, QUESTIONS HER CHOICES, AND FEELS INADEQUATE AT TIMES. What varies is the specific issue (breastfeeding, working/SAHM, sleeping. etc.) and how upfront she is about it. Some moms are really good at putting their best foot forward, but that doesn't mean they aren't struggling.

Two keys to surviving: Connect with moms you click with and let you share your struggles....It's vital to have real support whether you find it in moms' support group, your church, your friends, or family. Secondly, accept that there is no perfection--you just have to do your best with what you've got.

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Nighttime Breast Milk's Super-Power

April 12, 2016, 8:48 pm

≫ Next: Self Care is NOT selfish!

≪ Previous: Postpartum Reality: Avoiding Comparison Trap

Breast milk is dynamic--the amount of fat, antibodies and proteins adapts according to the baby's needs, mom's diet, and time of day. But Nighttime Breast Milk has a Super-Power: Melatonin! Melatonin is a hormone adults produce at night that makes you feel drowsy. As it turns out, breastmilk produced at night contains melatonin--making baby more drowsy and reducing colic. (Melatonin also relaxes the smooth muscles of the gastrointestinal tract, reducing colic.) Daytime milk has no detectable level of melatonin.

This bit of information could be critical for moms who are pumping--labeling and offering nighttime milk at night could help your baby sleep better! Meanwhile, this helps explain how breastfed babies sleep better than their formula fed peers. Incredible how moms' milk can help regulate a baby's circadian rhythm.

To read more about the studies: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8370707
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00431-011-1659-3

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Self Care is NOT selfish!

May 7, 2016, 8:25 am

≫ Next: Secret to Sibling Adjustment

≪ Previous: Nighttime Breast Milk's Super-Power

Sometimes I feel like there's a stigma around self care....Like moms are expected to suspend their needs indefinitely while tending to their babies and children. But how long can you hold your breath before you collapse?

Self Care is NOT selfish!
Tending to your own needs keeps you healthy--as in, not laid up with an infection, cough or cold. Taking care of yourself can prevent depression, anxiety, and dramatically reduce stress. It is also the key to being the best mom you can be: present, patient, and loving. (AND teaches your children by example how to take care of themselves.)

The biggest obstacle to self care, ironically, is staring you in the mirror....Or, that dark little voice in your head. Give yourself a turn to be taken care of. For some of us, this takes some practice. You might need baby steps. Of course, the amount of Self-Care you need and the amount you can do will depend largely on the age and number of your children.

1--Decide that you are worthy of care.

2--Make a plan. List all the ways you nourish your:
Mind
Body
Spirit

3--Schedule it. Write it in your calendar. Make it happen.
(Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Yes....you can. And you owe it to yourself and your kids!)

Some of my self care includes: my daily shower, prioritizing healthy foods of my choosing, regular Yoga Nidra Meditation, weekly Belly Dance Class, monthly book club gathering....But, what makes you happy/fulfilled might be getting a mani/pedi, lunch with a friend, walk in the woods, yoga, etc. What fills you up can be completely unique to you.

We absolutely have the power to re-define motherhood. To celebrate, focus and aspire to being well-rounded women, who make time to take care of themselves every day of the year--not just on Mother's Day.

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Secret to Sibling Adjustment

June 8, 2016, 8:50 am

≫ Next: Common Bottle Feeding Mistake

≪ Previous: Self Care is NOT selfish!

www.doula-care.com Postpartum Doula, Beth Salerno

Every parent wants their child to love the new baby. And while there are many little things you can do to smooth the transition (giving big brother/sister gifts, not holding the baby when they first meet, etc.), the key to it all is ATTENTION. Regardless of the age, kids need one-on-one attention and reassurance that they are still important.

Many kids, no matter how gently the initial introduction is made, feel threatened by a new little person who is suddenly in the spotlight. To better empathize: "Imagine your spouse announces that being married has been such a great experience, he has decided that it would be even better to bring in an additional wife." (Dads, just reverse it and imagine an additional husband on the scene.) Talk about a game-changer! Oh, and you won't mind sharing your things/toys/room, right?

The second most important thing to keep in mind when preparing your child/other children for a new baby is maintaining a consistent routine. Having those familiar touchstones in place, helps orient them during the upheaval. This bears some thought before the baby's arrival: i.e. if possible, get dad to take over the bedtime routine so it won't be as disruptive when mom can't.

If they are not in school or child care program, consider having dedicated care for the first month or so. Grandparents, babysitter--just someone who can give them undivided attention while you recover and care for your newborn. (Of course, this is always something a Postpartum Doula can help with!)

From my unique vantage point, I can attest that regardless of age and temperament, the siblings who transition best, were the ones given the most attention and one-on-one time.

For further reading, "Siblings Without Rivalry" is a tremendous resource. If you've already been down this road, comment below & share what helped your family most.

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Common Bottle Feeding Mistake

July 23, 2016, 11:04 am

≫ Next: When to Pump & Dump

≪ Previous: Secret to Sibling Adjustment

If you are bottle feeding regularly, it is really important to alternate sides! Right-handed people tend to hold the baby with their left hand/arm and the bottle with their dominant hand. (Vice versa for lefties.) The problem is, over time, one side of the baby's body is getting stimulation (eye, face, neck, arm, leg) while the other side is being held against your body. For exclusively bottle-fed babies, this can create issues.

Stimulating one side of the body 8-12 times a day can wreak havoc on their rapidly developing nervous system and vision. These complications can be especially problematic if your baby has torticollis, flat spots on the head, or facial asymmetry.

The goal is to evenly stimulate both sides of the body. Either switch your hold halfway through the feeding or alternate entire feeds. (So that first feeding you hold bottle with your right hand and baby's right side is against your body. Next feeding you hold bottle with your left hand and baby's left side is against your body.) By alternating sides you give your baby optimal visual and nervous system stimulation to support their growth and development.

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When to Pump & Dump

August 18, 2016, 2:58 pm

≫ Next: Never Waste Breast Milk

≪ Previous: Common Bottle Feeding Mistake

I hate that "pumping & dumping" is a thing. (As in, making milk and literally dumping it in the trash.) It's often UNNECESSARILY recommended and that's what drives me crazy.

Women are usually told to get rid of their milk due to medications. The majority of medical professionals who are recommending this are getting their information from the PDR. (The Physician's Desk Reference states most medications aren't suitable for breastfeeding.) Pharmaceutical companies don't want the liability--it's just easier for everyone to agree it's not safe.

Before you dump your milk, do some research! Dr. Thomas Hale is the best authority on this subject. He meticulously categorizes drugs by whether the medication will enter breast milk, be able to be absorbed by the baby and in what ratio. For more specific and detailed information get Hale's book or app. Kellymom has a great searchable database. If you need help, contact your local La Leche League or an IBCLC.

Often, there are more compatible alternatives. If there isn't a better option, consider alternative and complimentary treatments. (i.e. if you have a cold, you can use a nettie pot, steam, take echinacea and vitamin c, etc.)

The other common cause for pumping and dumping is alcohol. Here, moderation and timing are everything. When dealing with a newborn, keeping it to one occasional drink is reasonable.
As your baby gets a little older, if you plan to have more than 1-2 drinks, try to feed or pump immediately before. Alcohol enters and EXITS your milk as it does your bloodstream. To read more about safely consuming alcohol and nursing, visit:
Kellymom.

When in doubt, you can always pump and refrigerate your milk until you can find accurate information on your specific situation. Ideally, you want to be able to work with your health care provider to find treatments that support your breastfeeding situation and the health of everyone involved. Stay tuned for Part 2: Re-Purposing Breast Milk!

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Never Waste Breast Milk

September 29, 2016, 12:00 am

≫ Next: Review: No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns

≪ Previous: When to Pump & Dump

It takes time and precious, limited mama energy to produce milk. So do not waste it!!!

*First and foremost: if your baby doesn't finish a bottle of breast milk REFRIGERATE it and offer it at the next feeding. (Formula must be discarded one hour from baby drinking from bottle--not breast milk!) Breast milk not finished in the feed can be refrigerated for 4-6 hours and used at next feed.

If you have a surplus of breast milk, here are some alternatives:

*Donate!
Your milk could literally save a life.
https://www.hmbana.org/locations
http://www.eatsonfeets.org/

*Immune Booster for your kids
Where else can you get stem cells and more white cells than blood??? Save your frozen milk for when your kids get sick or exposed to colds or illnesses. Mix it in a smoothie, add a little cocoa powder, call it 'coconut milk,' but your milk can help your kids at any age.

*First Aid Remedy
Antiseptic, antiviral,,,,literally liquid gold. It can be applied directly into the ears to fight infection, treat burns, rashes, eczema. (Many people also use it to treat pink eye, but I was unable to find evidence to support the efficacy.)

*Bath
Add your milk to your baby or kid's bath. All over skin treatment for rashes or just moisturizing.

*Cooking
Great alternative to cow's milk, you can use your milk to enhance the nutritional value of pancakes, muffins, or other baked goods, macaroni and cheese......

*Facial
Did I mention stem cells? For maximum benefit, steam your face for 5-10 mins. Mix milk with ground oats and apply to face until it dries. (about 20 mins.) But, even applying breast milk directly to your skin and letting it be absorbed for 10 mins is beneficial.

*Jewelry
Why not use a little milk to make a keepsake?
http://www.breastmilkjewellery.com/

*Pets and Plants
Your pets and plants can also benefit from left over milk. I'd rather see some living thing benefit from your efforts than ever see it go down the drain!

Keep in mind that properly collected breast milk doesn't go bad after "xx" amount of time in the freezer....But it's immune-enhancing and nutritional benefits can begin to deteriorate.
I'm always looking to help moms find purpose for surplus milk....If you have an idea, please share it with me!

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Review: No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns

October 30, 2016, 2:50 pm

≫ Next: First Holiday with Baby

≪ Previous: Never Waste Breast Milk

Review: No-Cry Sleep Solution www.doula-care.com

There is an unending stream of misinformation regarding babies and sleep Often, parents feel like they have 2 choices: coping with frequent wakings or some form of "Cry It Out." But, Elizabeth Pantley offers up an elegant, compassionate and practical alternative: "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns."
Elizabeth Pantley is a mother of four and grandmother who approaches sleep with sensitivity and common sense. She presents evidence-based information on how you can encourage healthy sleep habits from day one, while responding compassionately and individually to your baby. I love that all of her information SUPPORTS healthy bonding and successful breastfeeding. (Many Cry It Out methods jeopardize breastfeeding.)
With three children of my own and 13 years as a Postpartum Doula, I wasn't sure how much new information I would find,,,,I was delightfully surprised! Like her other books, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns is easily approachable, no matter how tired/hormonal/exasperated you are. You'll find clear techniques to help your baby sleep longer while avoiding many common pitfalls (like babies who want to be held, need to be in motion for every sleep event, or need a breast in their mouth to fall asleep).
I love that Pantley recognizes and respects both babies and parents as individuals and offers multiple options and strategies for different scenarios. Her approach is gentle, and takes into consideration both newborn and parents' needs during the early weeks, while keeping an eye on the long-view.
If all parents read this book before the birth, it could significantly alter the landscape of family life with a baby. Even if you are expecting your fifth baby, this book can empower you with tools to maximize your baby's sleep potential while avoiding the common crutches many babies tend to develop.

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First Holiday with Baby

November 30, 2016, 1:16 pm

≫ Next: End the 6 Week Myth

≪ Previous: Review: No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns

   The Holiday Season is coming. It can be a fun and magical time, but when it's your first Holidays with your baby, it can bring extra stress. Keeping it in perspective will help you navigate gracefully.

*First and foremost, remember:   it will not always be like this! *
This is just one Holiday Season--not a reflection on you as a parent or a person. Enjoy! Your little one will have no conscious memory of it anyway!

      *Give yourself permission to take SHORTCUTS!
Be strategic with your time, energy and resources so that you won't be too exhausted to cherish it.....Question everything: what is necessary and what can be skipped? (Or at least tailored to be more mom/baby friendly.) If it's something that makes you happy, go for it. If it's something you do out of obligation, brainstorm other options.

*It's okay to nest in.
Many new moms find large groups overwhelming, especially in the first few weeks. Find a diplomatic out, and fib if you have to. ("The doctor said we can't have the baby around so many people....in a house with pets....etc.")

   If some people might be disappointed to not see you at larger gatherings, offer an alternative visit at a later date. Your primary commitment is doing what is best for you and your baby. Often, the hidden consequence of overdoing it and trying to please everyone else can be a baby exposed to colds and germs unnecessarily or mom developing exhaustion or an infection, etc.

   The best gift you can give your baby is a CALM, HEALTHY MAMA!

   I'll be wishing you a peaceful holiday where you hopefully feel nourished and supported by your family and community and able to truly enjoy this season with your baby.

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End the 6 Week Myth

December 27, 2016, 3:24 pm

≫ Next: Difference between Postpartum Doula & Baby Nurse

≪ Previous: First Holiday with Baby

Postpartum Adjustment is not determined by the size of your uterus because it is not strictly physical. The overall emotional and mental postpartum adjustment typically takes months. And for some, it may take the full year.

Many moms are misled to believe that at 6 weeks, they should be recovered. And what if you reach that deadline and you are NO WHERE NEAR healed or feeling like yourself? Processing your birth experience, physical recovery from pregnancy/birth/c-section, integrating your role as a mother or adjusting to a new baby while still caring for your other children, not sleeping, and breastfeeding your baby.....in a time and place where moms are given very little preparation and almost no care? Not many moms are able to do all that in 6 weeks! Giving false expectations without tools to empower them in this process is negligent and cruel.

I've started with clients who were 2-4 months postpartum....and often this involves going back to heal birth trauma, the feelings of loss/isolation, help them rebuild or define how they want to mother and learning how to take care of themselves and their babies. (There are some Postpartum Doulas who strictly limit Postpartum Doula Care to the first 6 weeks. If you you are more than 6 weeks postpartum and unable to find help, please contact me. Regardless of where you live, I can help connect you with resources and create a plan to help.)

Finally, from a clinical psychological stand point, if mom develops Anxiety or Depression 8 months after birth, it will be diagnosed as Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Depression, Postpartum OCD, etc.

I resent the "one size fits all" approach. Some mamas need more time. Some mamas have more to heal and recover from or less resources. For now, I'll stick with the "CHILDBEARING YEAR" because it is much more representative. There are stages and levels you'll approach way before the first year ends, but it's more realistic.
For my favorite in-depth exploration, please read and share this book: The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger.

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Difference between Postpartum Doula & Baby Nurse

January 25, 2017, 11:46 am

≫ Next: Fill Your Cup

≪ Previous: End the 6 Week Myth

What is the difference between a Baby Nurse and a Postpartum Doula? A Baby Nurse cares for your baby while a Postpartum Doula cares for your whole family.

A Baby Nurse is a "non-clinical newborn care specialist with extensive hands-on baby infant experience." A Baby Nurse will change diapers, feed your baby or bring baby to you for feedings, organize your nursery, bathe and care for your baby. A Baby Nurse will also do the baby's laundry.

A Postpartum Doula cares for the whole family. (The mother is the primary focus because that is the best way to insure baby's optimal health and development.) A Postpartum Doula does all the baby care things a Baby Nurse does...And, she'll do YOUR laundry, make meals for your whole family, spend time with your other children, do your dishes, help you heal more quickly and be a source of positive support. Whether you are a first time parent, recovering from birth trauma, facing feeding challenges, or just wanting an objective third party to help without emotional politicking every parenting choice you're making, a Postpartum Doula will help.

The Postpartum Doula strives to help you master baby care with confidence, rather than taking it over for you. However, she'll also care for your baby so you can rest, nap, shower, or have a break. Most Postpartum Doulas do not stay alone with your baby. If this is an important factor for you, be sure to ask ahead of time!

Baby Nurses and Postpartum Doulas are both fields without consistent regulation. It is important to ask about individual training, experience and CPR certification.

Have questions? Please ask! Feel free to comment with your Postpartum Doula or Baby Nurse experience.

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Fill Your Cup

February 12, 2017, 1:11 pm

≫ Next: Not How You Pictured

≪ Previous: Difference between Postpartum Doula & Baby Nurse

Your needs as a human being do not cease when you become a parent. You still must breathe, eat, sleep, and relax. Many moms get so caught up in taking care of their babies, children, partners, and pets, that they forget to put themselves in the line-up. There is a limit to how long you can ignore or neglect your own needs before you begin to slowly breakdown.

Early signs are irritability, resentment, stress and weepiness...followed by guilt for all of these symptoms. Infections, breastfeeding complications (blocked ducts, mastitis, low supply), illness, forgetfulness and being accident-prone are further indications of neglect. Unchecked, these can escalate to more serious health issues like depression, anxiety and worse.

But, here's the really crappy part: Our children, the ones we are sacrificing all this for, are the ones who pay the price. They cannot understand the intricate trap our culture has created for so many moms. Essentially, the prevailing message is a good mom is a good martyr. One who successfully suspends all her needs while cheerfully tending to everyone else, indefinitely....But how can you pour from an empty cup?

In other times and places the grandparents and extended family live nearby and naturally help share the responsibilities of child care and housework. But, most of the families I know don't have family who can help--their parents are either still working, live far away, aren't in good health, or the relationship is.....tense. (or at least, not conducive to asking or offering the help that's needed!)

So, this February, I'm extending a special love offering for all the mamas. Let me help fill your cup. Whether you need some sleep, some time alone, a break from the unending meal/bath/laundry grind, or some space to do whatever brings you joy, I would love to help you, (Or if you want to give it as a gift for your friend, partner, or sister, etc.)

Let's sow the seeds of a new ideal in mothering: balanced health. One where we express our needs, and take action to meet them. Let's choose to feel good about setting a more holistic model of self care for our children and the next generation of mothers.

To give yourself or someone you love the Fill Your Cup Gift, click here. If you have any questions, please message or call me.

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Not How You Pictured

March 30, 2017, 2:15 pm

≫ Next: Baby's 1st Bath

≪ Previous: Fill Your Cup

"When I have a baby......"
"When we have kids....."
"We will NEVER EVER......"

Most of us enter parenthood with expectations. The more rigid the expectations, the harder it may be to accept if it is different. With birth and babies, most of it is beyond our control. At some point, you have to reconcile these expectations with reality.

It may mean coming to terms with a birth or interventions you didn't want, discovering breastfeeding challenges you didn't anticipate, or your baby might be totally different than the one you've been imagining. There are many unpredictable variables in this stage of life. Your reality might end up drastically different than you pictured.

For many, Postpartum is laced with messy collisions between what you thought you'd do/be/feel and what is actually happening. And this baggage can drain your energy unnecessarily. (And one thing you'll notice quickly is that you have little energy to spare!)

*If you haven't given birth yet, reflect on your expectations and see where you can be more flexible and open to whatever happens.
Educate yourself, make your support team, and then do your best to surrender to birth and all the chaos that comes with becoming parents.

*Remember that how you feel in this moment is not how you'll feel forever.
The hormones, the sleep deprivation, the roller coaster of those first weeks can be overwhelming. It is a process, but your baby will grow, predictable patterns will emerge, you'll recover from childbirth and your body will heal. The initial weeks are typically the most intense.

*Get it out.
Express how you are feeling. Journal, share your feelings with friends and family, talk to your baby, draw, paint.....the point is to give these emotions an outlet so they don't fester or grow.

*Expand your Network.
Especially if you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, get out there and connect with other moms. It makes a huge difference to see other people who are dealing with the same struggles. We're lucky to have many options right here in Monmouth County. (Click here for a full list!)

*Remember there is no perfect in parenting.
There is only doing the best you can with what you've got at the time. The more gentle you can be with yourself, the smoother the transition will be for everyone.

If you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you're not the only one! There is so much support and help for you. Make a call, go to a meeting or class--REACH OUT. It will be such a relief to realize you don't have to do it all alone. Sometimes it's hard to know where to begin. Don't hesitate to contact me. I'm happy to help and fluent in postpartum-ese.

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Baby's 1st Bath

April 24, 2017, 2:52 pm

≫ Next: Shield Your Baby from Stress

≪ Previous: Not How You Pictured

When it comes to bathing newborns, most new parents are somewhere between intimidated and downright petrified. And honestly, putting a tiny baby in water is something to approach carefully. Here are a few tips from someone who has done it hundreds of times.

*TEAMWORK!*
The first few baths are definitely a two person job! Make sure you have a helper--even if just for moral support.

*Family Affair*
If you or your partner enjoy taking baths, consider bringing your baby in. It's much easier to maneuver baby this way and it's a wonderful bonding opportunity. Make sure your helper is nearby to get baby in and out of the tub. Also, keep water temperature between 95-100 degrees F.

*Be Prepared*
Have everything you need in arms' reach BEFORE you begin. I know it sounds obvious/basic, but it's important!

*Baby's Feet First*
Put just your baby's feet in the water first. If the water is too cold or too hot, your baby can easily let you know before their whole body is submerged in it.

*Keep it to a Minimum!*
Newborn skin is very delicate. Even if you aren't using soap, it's irritating for their skin and requires a lot of energy. Twice a week is the maximum for a full baths. Spot clean the rest.

*Keep it Positive!*
You want baby to have a positive introduction to bathing. Do your best to be calm and happy. Your baby will be taking their cues from you.

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Shield Your Baby from Stress

May 25, 2017, 4:58 pm

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Pregnancy here and now brings with it the perils of information overload, fear mongering, and social media drama. Often, people feel obligated to warn you about.....well, everything and anything on the ever-growing risk of pregnancy dangers.

But, sadly their efforts often ADD to prenatal stress! Ongoing stress becomes a problem in pregnancy as it boosts the cortisol levels your growing baby gets. But, there are so many things you can do to help your body relax.

*Breathing is the fastest, most accessible way to relax your body.
Consciously slowing the breath and especially doing 4 square breathing can immediately override your physiological response. (Breathe to a count of 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Another option: make the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)

*Exercise is amazing--and offers endorphins, too!
It doesn't have to be elaborate! Go for a 15 minute walk outside. Find a Prenatal Yoga video on youtube. Dance around. Just MOVE your body.

*Build your Support Network
You were never meant to do this all alone. Connect with people who will listen and support you every step of the way. Expand your net by meeting other expecting moms at your midwife's office, a prenatal exercise class, your childbirth preparation class, La Leche League, or on Social Media.
Check out Monmouth County Resources here.

*Things that RELAX you and bring you JOY!
I loved salt baths and belly dancing in my pregnancy. I also journaled a lot. And tea--all the time! What little and big things can you work into your day or week?

*Special Treats:
Prenatal Massage, Floatation Therapy, Eating out......

*Yoga Nidra
Sadly, I didn't know about this type of meditation when I was pregnant!!! It is 4 times more restorative than sleep! (So doing a 20 minute meditation is the equivalent of 80 minute nap!)
No previous experience necessary--literally, just listen to the audio.
www.daringtorest.com is my favorite.

The sooner you learn to insulate yourself from stress, the better off you will be in your pregnancy and parenthood journey! If you're feeling overwhelmed and need some help figuring out a plan, contact me. I'm happy to help.

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